i think i just heard my heart break, and fall onto the floor in a cascade of shards. And the funny thing is, i don't know why. Oh God, i need you so much. I feel like quoting ecclesiastes: Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless! But i think my depression today stems from self-loathing. I feel weak and insipid, devoid of colour, brilliance and one special talent that makes me an individual. And i wonder what anyone can see in me, and like in me. Still you love me, still you called me to you. God, you really don't mind taking in the trash, do you? Knell. Kneel. Keel. Knowledge.

you don't know about this blog, yet.
i don't know what i'm writing this here, for. I guess it's to shu fa gan qing. In that quiet way that you want to do, except that it sounds wrong:P

I've really never felt this way about any other guy before.. Jeremy was different; it was a little painful all the time. Tom was sweet bliss, the kind that's free and floating, that glorifies the person beyond who he really is. But. you:/

just for you

I'm reusing this blog because i'd like the privacy, and yet i like the anonymity of it. Like, no one knows who i'm talking about but you:P

I'm glad i waited for you. I got to play soccer with Bernard and Kai Meng, for old time's sake, and you got to see me:P We're in different classes, and we have different breaks, and i hardly ever see you around...

it has occured to me that the only reason why i'm being so open about it is because i'm sleep deprived. So you get to read my stream of consciousness, for today and today only.

One thing though... I know i'm making you feel insecure, so i promise not to keep you on your toes for long...