I write with a heart full of gratefulness, of peace, and of love.
I can hardly comprehend the state in which i am in, so much at peace, so much loved, so much assured of everything.
In the light of recent affairs, i ought to be miserable. My heart, having been kicked out and left to wonder around the lanes of desolate city, out to be sore, to ache, to feel some degree of pain. Yet I do not know but that i am very happy, very happy indeed!
I guess i must not like him so very much as i had presumed. Yet even as i write, with a heart so full of the above, I know that there are still shreds of that affection that lie within it. Perhaps my heart is like a keg, having been filled with wine for so long, even after the wine has been poured out, the keg still retains the smell of it. But i did not write this to lament on what has happened, but to rejoice in a very very precious revelation that might actually see me walking through to an independant heart. Previously, since hitting adolescence, I must be deep in the throes of one crush or another, now i rejoice in the heart-wholeness of my very being.
I'm serious, i've never felt so liberated before:D:D:D:D:D I'm so glad to find out that i am not in love, that i actually have the liberty of independence! HAH! And i'm in no hurry to like anyone. I just want to be friends with the whole world in general. In my oppinion, nothing is so very good for one as friendship. In a BGR, we have to be always pleasing, always amiable. If we fall out of line, if, for a moment, we let slip a fault, then we can be sure that some of that fair, pure image of us that has been painted by our beholder will be tainted, and soon he will be obliged to see us for what we are- all our faults, our pettiness, our small meaness. No, friends are so much safer. With friends you can take liberties to reproach, to anger, and to be readily forgiven- no one expects perfection of a friend.
Furthermore, i can see no merit in having a BGRelationship at our age. I am skeptical, very cynical indeed, as to how long these affections can last. We have just developed physically; no doubt our emotional and spiritual selves are still in want of some more molding. Some may argue that this sort of thing is perfectly ideal to deliever some hard knocks that will give us the shape we desire. But why not learn so very much painlessly, sitting from the sidelines and learning all the strategies, the secrets to success, without standing in harm's way? Must we abuse our hearts so much, to have it rent and ripped at, then patched back together, only to be rent up again? No, i would rather protect my heart for now, let it grow a little larger, become a little more accomodating to the faults of others, let it receive a little more cultivation.